With some disquiet, Jim walked away from his friend, and went to get their coats. On his way back passing through the crowd he found himself making a lame excuses to people about having to give his friend some support, because he was having a hard time right now and was in crisis this particular evening. Most people accepted this in the way that people do when someone presents them with a fait accompli. However, Al was very upset that his muse was leaving so soon and tried to get to the bottom of the problem with Jasper which made Jim feel even worse than he did before. This was developing into a typical double bind guilt trip for Jim and right now he couldn’t see a way out.

"He’s a creep, Jim," said Al, holding onto Jim’s shoulders and maintaining a direct eye con- tact as he had done at times throughout their working relationship and as a result Jim felt in- stantly as he had done during their artist/model sessions: comforted and warm and espe- cially supported. He of course did not want to leave the preview; this was his night as much as Al’s but he felt he had to support Jasper and to smooth things over between them.

"Look, Al I’m sorry, but Jasper needs me right now. He is in a terrible state and I owe it to him. He is my oldest friend, you know," said Jim meekly. "It’s going well here tonight so you don’t need me now anyway. You are a success and everyone wants to know you. Have a great time, soak it up, just like you always tell me to do!"

"Ok Jim, but I think you’re mad. He clicks his fingers and off you run every time. What is so important that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow? Why can’t he let you have your night?"

"Jasper gets into all sorts of scrapes; he’s always been the same actually. He has been there for me too, so I owe him. I just need to go and eat with him and have a couple of drinks, then I’ll come back if it isn’t too late," said Jim, reassuringly.

"Ok, promise?"

"Yes, I’ll come back for a drink just with you. Save a bottle of champagne, will you?" Jim hugged Al and waved to everyone as he left with Jasper and walked away from his special night. It didn’t take long to find their pub and as they entered Jim, felt the click of boring fa- miliarity. How many years had they been coming to this pub? Too many to count. The differ- ence between this place and the exciting preview he had just left could not have been more marked.

"Get the drinks in and bring some menus over, I’m starving," demanded a drunken Jasper. Jim always felt a little on edge when Jasper had had a few and tonight was no exception. Jim was still hurting a little from Jasper’s comments at the preview. Jim got the beers in and found a tatty old menu, thinking ‘my god what a dump this place is’. He got back to the table to find Jasper sitting back on an old leather captain’s chair, and Jim could sense he was in for an ear bashing; he could tell by Jasper’s arrogant body language. He supposed he would just have to take it, as he always did. Jasper had been the same since the first time he had met him at university, full of himself but quite entertaining when he wasn’t too pissed or in a bad mood. This was not going to such a good night.

Before Jim had a chance to put the drinks down, Jasper began. "So what do you think you are playing at?" Before Jim could reply Jasper started to talk again. "What the fuck are you messing with that pansy arsehole for? He’s a student! Are you mad? You’re old enough to be his father. Of course you gays have your own rules I know that, but the authorities won’t view it that way."

Jim had been desperately trying to get a word in but to no avail. The tirade continued.

"How could you get involved with a little shit like him?" repeated Jasper. "You know how eas- ily led you are; you can’t be trusted, as we well know. How many times have I had to talk you down from some relationship problem, when some jerk was leading you a merry dance?"

"But,"........began Jim.

"And. What were you thinking to strip off and model for paintings at your age? You’re no spring chicken anymore are you? Let’s face it, you’re just an old fat hairy bloke, so who the hell would want to see your body, unless you count the fucking weirdos at that preview. They probably want those paintings to wank off over. I’ve never understood this fascination for hairiness. That’s what razors are for. I find it hard enough to get along with the wife’s forest as it is. It’s disgusting. I’ve been asking her for years to shave down there, but she won’t have any of it. Bitch!" sneered Jasper. "John Ruskin got it right. Unless you’re pre-pubescent and hairless then it’s filthy and disgusting."

Jim found Jasper’s reference a little disturbing and thought perhaps he hadn’t realised what he was saying and just how suspect Ruskin’s affections really had been. He was aware he hadn’t taken a gulp of his pint, yet nor even thought about food as Jasper just wouldn’t shut up. His tactic had always been to talk at you, to wear you down so you didn’t know which question to answer first. Of course, this meant he could give you the answers to his own questions, so the recipient was meant to simply sit back and take the lecture.

"You gays really do like to show off, don’t you? But what I cannot understand is how you, with all your past history, could expose yourself like this. That bloody first picture I saw... Christ! I don’t want to come to face to face with your cock and balls like that ever again.

Yuck! It’s an outrage, mate. What the fuck were you thinking? What if someone you know sees one of them shitty paintings and how will you face your friends? Well, it will be a calam- ity for you, if it’s not too late already. You’re vulnerable you moron, you know that. I suppose I’ll be picking up the pieces now. You always need me to steer you away from this stuff and keep you on the straight and narrow. I’m amazed you didn’t say anything about it. You nor- mally would’ve, and I could have told you it was a mistake. It’s bad enough you chose gender and sexuality studies to major in; I’ve always told you I thought that was a fucking disaster waiting to happen. You get surrounded by eager young queer boys, adulation occurs, fol- lowed closely by infatuation then they want you to fuck them and marry them. At least you buggers couldn’t do that when we were at university, thank fuck. Now look what you have been doing, stripping off for a student, with no one else present, being totally compromised! The University! What exactly do you think they are going to say, having one of their lecturers showing everything they’ve got in a public exhibition? You are a fucking stupid bugger, and you always have been." he ranted.

Jim had been silently listening to this monstrous onslaught, taking the odd gulp of his beer now and then. He knew of old that he would have to wait it out until Jasper ran out of steam, but this time all, he could think of was how awful Jasper was being, how many of Jim’s but- tons he was choosing to press on the very night when he was branching out into a new and interesting life. He was hurting deep down now because this haranguing was so unexpected in its ferocity and there was none of Jasper’s normal attempt at tempering his brutality with humour. Jim was beginning to wish he had stayed at the preview. At least he’d felt safe there but here he was feeling increasingly unsure once again about who he was and what was the right thing to do in his life. The beer was not having the desired effect either. It was making him more and more wound up, not relaxed as he had expected to be and he definitely didn’t want to eat now. He felt sick with anxiety as old memories resurfaced, images of shouting and snarling people, his parents, the yelling and screaming, which had led to oft repeated blows, emotional and physical.

"Anyway, I’ve said my piece and I hope you have learnt your lesson Jim. Let me know next time you want to some more radical shit. I’ll put you straight ’cos I am your friend. You can’t just do what you want in life you know. There are rules and its best to follow them if you know what’s good for you. I’m fucking hungry. What have they got on the blackboard? I think I’ll have the steak and chips," announced Jasper ignorantly.

"You’d better go an order it then. I’m off I’m afraid," said Jim "I feel a bit sick. It must be all the excitement, sorry."

"I’ll put it on your tab then," said Jasper. Jim raised his eyebrows, stood up reached for his coat and went to leave, visibly upset. "Oh for fuck’s sake, what’s wrong with you? See, what did I tell you? See? I knew this would end in tears, I’m always right," declared Jasper at the top of his voice, causing other patrons to look around. Jasper was well known in the pub. As Jim rushed past a crowd on his way out for some much needed fresh air, one bloke murmured "Tosser!" For the first time Jim re- alised that Al was not alone in his summation of Jasper’s character.