His profile was incredible.
I really loved his pic.
I was looking for a hook-up
and thought, "Damn, he's one hot trick".

I showered before he got here.
I scrubbed each orifice.
I looked forward to a wild, hot time
but something went amiss.

I opened the door and saw him,
and dropped right to my knees;
started gnawing at his zipper
and he moaned "baby, please!"

He opened up his faded jeans,
pulled out his hairy schlong,
but just as I drew close to it,
I noticed something wrong.

I thought about his profile,
he looked just like his pic.
But he left out one detail –
He's got a stinky dick!

I fell back in stunned silence,
thinking what to do.
Should I follow through with this?
All I could say was "Eeeew!"

As if he hadn't heard me
he took off all his clothes.
What was I supposed to do?
Should I hold my nose?

I had to open a window!
I really needed air!
That stinky dick had put me off
of baggin' me a bear.

Just then the phone began to ring
and I jumped up to grab it.
He looked at me confusedly,
but I thought "Man, forget it".
The recorded voice of some strange bitch
was trying to sell me curtains.
But I saw this as my way out,
'cause I was really hurtin'.

"Hi, honey!" I said sheepishly,
trying hard to sound real guilty.
I kind of hated doing this,
but, damn, that dick was filthy!

When I hung up, I said to him,
"My hubby's on the way."
"I'd really love to finish this,
but, dude, you just can't stay."

He grabbed his clothes dejectedly
and hurried out the door.
And as I watched him drive away,
I felt just like a whore.

But I got quickly over it
and thought, "that stupid prick!"
How dare he show up at my door
with that stinky dick!